My name is Tolu, and this is the story of how my marriage fell apart after we moved to the UK. If someone had told me two years ago that my husband and I would be filing for divorce, I would have laughed it off, confident in the strength of our love. But life has a way of humbling you.
Before we relocated, our marriage was solid. We had been together for six years and had two beautiful children. My husband, Kunle, was my best friend. We were both excited about the prospect of starting a new life in the UK. Kunle had secured a job through a Certificate of Sponsorship, and I was planning to pursue my nursing career. We thought the UK would be a place where we could build a better future for our family. Little did we know, the challenges ahead would test our marriage in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
The Beginning of the End
The first few months in the UK were overwhelming. Everything was different — the weather, the culture, the way people lived. Kunle was always working. He had to take extra shifts to make ends meet because, as we soon realized, the cost of living in the UK was much higher than we anticipated. Our rent alone was swallowing up more than half of his salary, and we hadn’t even factored in utilities, groceries, and childcare.
I stayed at home with the kids while studying to pass my nursing exams, but the isolation began to weigh on me. Back in Nigeria, I had family and friends to support me, but here, I was alone. Kunle was constantly at work, and when he was home, he was too exhausted to talk, let alone spend quality time with me or the children.
We started to argue — over little things at first. He would complain about how tired he was, and I would snap back, telling him how lonely I felt. The fights escalated. We were both frustrated but didn’t know how to fix it. Our once-strong bond was crumbling under the pressure of life in a foreign land.
Separate Lives
As the months went by, we began to live like strangers. Kunle and I barely spoke, and when we did, it was only about bills or the kids. The intimacy, the laughter, the connection we once shared — it was all gone. I didn’t recognize the man I had married anymore, and I’m sure he felt the same about me.
I started to wonder if moving to the UK had been a mistake. Back in Nigeria, we had our struggles, but we were happy. Here, we had more money, but our marriage was falling apart. The worst part was that neither of us seemed to know how to stop the downward spiral.
One day, after yet another argument about his long hours at work, Kunle turned to me and said, “Maybe we should just call it quits. This isn’t working anymore.” I was stunned. Those words hung in the air like a death sentence. He was right. Things weren’t working, but I never thought we’d get to the point of divorce.
The Final Blow
The decision to separate was mutual, but that didn’t make it any easier. We tried counselling, but by that time, it was too late. The damage had been done. We had grown too far apart. I couldn’t help but feel regret — regret for not understanding his struggles earlier, regret for not being more patient, regret for ever moving here in the first place.
We filed for divorce, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. The man I had once loved so deeply was now just a co-parent to our children. We had gone from being each other’s everything to barely being able to stand each other’s presence.
The Lesson
Looking back, I realize that moving to the UK didn’t cause our divorce. It simply exposed the cracks in our marriage that had always been there. The stress of living in a foreign country, the financial pressures, the lack of support — it all magnified the issues we already had but didn’t confront.
Japastreeters, if you’re a couple considering relocating to the UK, my advice is this: don’t underestimate the strain it will put on your marriage. The UK offers opportunities, yes, but it also brings new challenges that can test even the strongest of relationships. You need to be prepared for the emotional and financial toll it can take.
Our story is painful, but it’s also a cautionary tale. Don’t let the pursuit of a “better life” come at the cost of your relationship. Because once you lose that connection, no amount of money or success can fill the void.
